Culmination… a letter

Loving you was the most beautiful feeling I ever had and I can not deny, it still is. Though this can not change the other fact that it is the most hurting feeling, I ever felt too. I never thought love can do so much to anyone. But you did. Feeling all those things for you did.
When I fell for you, I was on my weakest, most vulnerable. I can not say it otherwise but yes, you are the one who made me, what I am.
From my most vulnerable to what I am now, I know I have become stronger.
Always hurting me with your words, making me beg for your love, I always believed in all the lies you said, And I always cursed me, over and over again. feeling i am the one who is wrong, i never did realise it was always you.
How many nights I have cried, I don’t really know, wanting it so bad to end. Waiting for these heartbeats to stop for once and for all. How many days I tried to end this life.
But then again your love, or the love I felt for you kept me going. And I kept on loving you like this is what I am supposed to do. And it took me so long to accept this fact that i am not supposed to keep begging you for that love.  I never knew I will grow out of this feeling, But I did. 
I never realised I can love you and still move ahead because to wait for you is like to wait for all the stars in the galaxy to fall and that’s never gonna happen. When in a busy day, slightest of your memory used to fill my eyes, I didn’t cry at all when you said it’s over. And last night when you called and said all those things again,
I didn’t cry at all. Not a single tear, I didn’t curse my self again, I felt a calm. When you said this is the last time, I didn’t felt anything but a peace.
And I realised I am not supposed to cry over you. To love is the most beautiful feeling one can ever have and I am glad I know that feeling so well and oh! I pity you, you won’t know it. You won’t ever.
Move on is nothing but a myth. We never really move on from the one we love. Yes, to keep the memories, cherishing them is what I Am supposed to do not crying my eyes out.
To love is what we all are supposed to do… and me for one, I am full of oceans of love and I know that, its just that now I know, I need to love myself first and foremost and no one else really matters….

@thelostsoul

(image: Google)

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Reminiscences….

You were always like this. And when I loved you, somewhere I knew, you won’t stay but I still loved you because I felt like I craved you for so long that even I don’t remember. You filled those empty parts of me, which I thought can’t ever be filled. And yet I knew you are a disaster I am falling into. And still I fell, for it was meant to be. If not, I wouldn’t have ever known the love, that hurt,  the pain, the feeling in tears, and still a smile on my lips, that you once touched them. You filled me and then emptied me again. Now the parts won’t be filled ever. I feel I can’t reach that level of saturation again.Now this Void will persist forever. You were here and now you aren’t. Like you are gone, and took this life out of me. I knew all of It and still, still I was there with you, loving you, giving all of me to you because it was meant to be, and because you,my love is the most hurting,yet most beautiful, ecstatic yet tormenting mistake of my life…. And I don’t regret an ounce of it for I loved you with all of my being, knowing what a destruction you are. I was ready to be destroyed not because I was stupid, but because destruction only creates, and somehow this love I still have is because, it was with you once, and it will be here in my heart always and forever….

@thelostsoul

Image: Google

 

Random Ruminations

When you are broken and broken beyond repair, you are hurt and are in despair. But loving that someone doesn’t change. Being broken into so many pieces and still loving that same person is something way beyond the control of heart. I always hear people saying move on, it’s okay. Leave. But what’s the point in letting go and moving on from that one person you felt you gave your soul to? How could you just move on from that love that you felt is eternal? And that is unexplainable. How broken you feel, how bad it hurts, you just keep holding on and somehow that is giving you purpose to live and to breathe and to exist.

You let yourself break to the saturation of breaking and it’s okay. It’s okay to be hurt. I know making any one person that much important is not a good thing but why not? I say. You loved that person and now just because that person isn’t loving you back you leave that love? It’s not called one sided love, it’s just love & it’s loving that person from a distance, and that is completely fine.
Does a poet ever stop admiring moon because the moon doesn’t respond to his words? No,right. Then how can one person stop loving another when it’s a connection beyond explanation. A connection that is felt and have no words.

I somehow have learned to live and to move forward, taking the pieces with me and no matter what I will carry them.
If that’s how it is then it is. And there are days when it will hurt like hell but then what’s the purpose of even living when you can’t accept the pain of your broken pieces? You tend to love and live in that one person. And I am doing just that. Because somehow you can’t Unlove, somehow that’s how it is meant to be.

And here I am again with all the boggling thoughts.

Thank you for being so patient and reading.

I am broken to be healed, I am lost to be found. And I will be found, till then.. let me be..

The Lost Soul

I do.

I believe in magic
That some day you will see
And you will find
My love and Me
That at some point in time
You will know
How it hurts
I am yours but you aren’t mine
I believe in something
A kind of power
That one day you will fall
In love with me, again
Like you were before
That day it will rain
For this time it will be for ever
I believe in my love
That it is true
Only for you, ending never
It’s not easy
But I believe in us
That you will soon see me
Somewhere
And you will come
Close to me
Oh yes love
I believe in miracles
I believe in fairy tale
You will hold my hand
And take me to
A far away land
Where we’ll be in love
Beyond eternity
Yes baby
Till infinity..
I believe
I believe in dreams
Yes I do
For all of this I said
Are nothing
But my fragments
Of you and our memories
Etched in my heart
With your love
In my blood
Like a shadow
It won’t leave
Like a tattoo
It won’t fade
Even if it will
It’ll leave a mark
On my skin
No I can’t
I can’t win
Over this
Of your eyes
Of that smile
Oh this pain
Of this scar
Why are you away

why didn’t you stay?
Why can’t you love me?
Why are you this far?

Of all of these dreams
I am now made
Nothing of me
Something of you
Yes even then I still do
I believe in love
& I love you…

The Lost Soul.

Image: Google

#An Unsent Valentine letter.

I keep on counting days. Not just days, I haven’t lost count of the moments I am breathing without you. Trust me it’s not easy to have a single breath without missing your words or smile or eyes or voice or all of you. I still remember the day I saw you, waiting for me, my heart skipped a beat. Oh it still beats in that rhythm. The rhyme you gave it. Yes. Still that.
It was Valentine, I thought it to be over soon. It didn’t. I missed you each second. I knew you weren’t. You won’t. Oh but my heart? It was desperately waiting for your text. Just a text. Because you don’t like calling. I waited. Waited. The moment I woke up in the morning with moist eyes, I waited till I cried myself to sleep. I hope you had a good sleep though. Or did you miss me? You probably didn’t. You never did. You never will.
I went to the same place, you took me. A wave like a tsunami hit me. Gushing memories all together like it was yesterday we were here, eyes lost in eyes, synchronising heart beats,knotted hands and hearts, you made me feel dancing butterflies. Deep blue were the skies. A blissful moment, now it was tormenting. Nothing was same. Neither you nor the moment. Except me. Still there. Lost in you. Living in the moment. Still.
I puffed in the air around me like trying to breathe in the scent of you and us from that day. And then I kept on walking my way. That’s what I have to do. Keep walking. I tried to turn and look back, then something in me said, No, don’t, it’s gone. It’s not there. Nothing is there anymore. Not you. Not the love.
I won’t run though, from all that we had. Because I still love you. I will always do. Even after whatever happened, whatever you did. I have something of you with me. Yes, the heartache and the memories.
I will keep loving you and living you,
Until the memories turn white.
Till I loose the sight. Oh dear I still haven’t lost hope. Not of you coming back, but of the believe that I will cope. With you. Your memory.
But till then, I will keep walking. Looking forward, Smiling. Without you. But with the remembrance of us.
Until some new memories aren’t made.
Till the time, I won’t fade.

The Lost Soul.

Image: Google( artfinder.com)

Just Friends…?

It’s not long ago
We were together
In that night club
I was drunk
So were you
We didn’t see things
As they were coming through
Intoxicating moment
Captivating you
Spellbinding eyes
Entangled fingers
Osculating lips
We were close
Connecting my soul to you
Amidst that screeching music
I heard you
Our eyes spoke
Driving me crazy
Drifting away
We vanished
In that kiss
Beyond magical
Perplexing me
I felt the tingle
In my each bone
I felt I was home
Butterflies whispering
In my heart
To the core.

Oh! But we are friends.
Aren’t we?
Are we still?
How do I tell?
How do I disclose?
My feelings changed
I fall for you
& I feel for you
Not as a friend
Anymore
I want you
For love and more
Oh baby I love you so much
I miss that touch
& I miss us
I want that time
Me in your arms
I want it to stop
I miss you each night
Waking up next, besides
Closed eyes.
But it’s all in here
Confined in my heart
I can’t tell you
Because you are a friend
Aren’t you?
But we kiss
Didn’t we?
Though I feel love
Don’t you?
Why can’t you?
Baby please
Hold me again
Embrace me
Kiss me again
Caress me
Will you please?
Baby don’t tease.

Then it’s okay
It’s okay I guess
Let’s keep it as it is
I know I will miss
You are my forever bliss.

So my love
To keep you with me
This is my only way
Let’s not end
What we have
So that we don’t end
Let’s just be friends…
Only friends.

The Lost Soul.

PS: I stumbled upon this sweet heart Regine on my blog. Kissonthewind, iamRegineNot going into details, this poem is dedicated to her & for her.

Summer Nights.

 

Entangled eyes
Sparkling
Scintillating
Shimmering
You and me
Embracing
Our hearts
Racing
With the pace
So fast
Your fingers
Ruining the colour
Of my lips
Your breathes
Leaving
It’s marks on my skin
Kissing
Loosing
Moving
I loose myself
You in me
Under the thousand stars
In these wintery breeze
We flow
Towards the warmth
We fly
Caressing
Intertwining
Entwining
In emotions
Holding my hands
Carrying my heart
So perfectly
We fuse
Together
Like made for
Each other
Beaming
Gleaming
Alluring
In &Between
This deepest of ocean
Of Ecstasy
Fantasy
Serenity
We become one
Under the flickering
Bright
Glistening
Moonlight
Listen love
To this harmonious
Wind
Here comes
Our
Surreal

Ethereal
Summer Nights….

 

The Lost Soul.

 

Image: Google.