Posted in #life, #void, Heart break, Lost love, Random musings, Unsent letter, Writing

Epiphany???

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To the one who isn’t anymore in my life, who deserted me in the middle, on the crossroads. I thought you and I are We, Alas! I was wrong, wrong in believing you, you and your lies.
I still try to find in each song I hear that make me wonder, where I was at fault, and why it’s just me, why am I caught?  between my heart and my mind, nothing I can find.
There comes Tsunami of immense hurt and pain whenever I see that shirt, shirt which I keep close to my heart, that still smells like you..
I still try to find you at all the places we met, for a little by chance, a glimpse I May get?
Oh then this heart realise, you aren’t here, and we are between two different time and heart zones too. My heart aches for you and it aches to know, whether you miss me too?
And I answer to this question myself, no you don’t at all, because that love was a game, and it’s days were few.
You know, there is this stark contrast between the love of us two, yours lost all the charm and mine still shines like a golden dew..
You left me in between, like rain. Like rains leave the sky, never to return, and I won’t ever be the same again, and some nights and days too I feel this urge to tell you all of these emotions and feelings and oh! then I know, you won’t listen so all of this will go in vain and still, still baby, I want to feel your touch again to melt in you, but then I know this love have already melted like the snow..
My life seems like autumn, like each leaf falling I feel myself breaking into pieces so many.
Nights like these, I wish you to come back, but you wouldn’t have left, if you were to return.
I am not sad though, nor I am broken, and I am not going to run either, from the past, or you, or the reminiscence of you or me or us.
Us? Us is in the past now and I am going to deal with it anyhow.
I will come out if this gloom, and flowers will bloom. Wounds will be healed, scar will be there and they will be there with me, till the end. They will lead me to par, with my emotions, those make me more human.
I see the sun, and I know I will shine too..
To the one who deserted me in the darkest of nights, know I no longer am afraid of this darkness, I befriended it. And I no longer feel, it should be We…
To the one who left, Thank you for you made me, Me….

@thelostsoul 

image: Google 

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Posted in #blogging, #life, Love, Unsent letter, Writing

Culmination… a letter

25A714F7-34C7-4EAB-9E53-A6EACAD87EBA.jpegLoving you was the most beautiful feeling I ever had and I can not deny, it still is. Though this can not change the other fact that it is the most hurting feeling, I ever felt too. I never thought love can do so much to anyone. But you did. Feeling all those things for you did.
When I fell for you, I was on my weakest, most vulnerable. I can not say it otherwise but yes, you are the one who made me, what I am.
From my most vulnerable to what I am now, I know I have become stronger.
Always hurting me with your words, making me beg for your love, I always believed in all the lies you said, And I always cursed me, over and over again. feeling i am the one who is wrong, i never did realise it was always you.
How many nights I have cried, I don’t really know, wanting it so bad to end. Waiting for these heartbeats to stop for once and for all. How many days I tried to end this life.
But then again your love, or the love I felt for you kept me going. And I kept on loving you like this is what I am supposed to do. And it took me so long to accept this fact that am not supposed to keep begging you for that love.  I never knew I will grow out of this feeling, But I did. 
I never realised I can love you and still move ahead because to wait for you is like to wait for all the stars in the galaxy to fall and that’s never gonna happen. When in a busy day, slightest of your memory used to fill my eyes, I didn’t cry at all when you said it’s over. And last night when you called and said all those things again,
I didn’t cry at all. Not a single tear, I didn’t curse my self again, I felt a calm. When you said this is the last time, I didn’t felt anything but a peace.
And I realised I am not supposed to cry over you. To love is the most beautiful feeling one can ever have and I am glad I know that feeling so well and oh! I pity you, you won’t know it. You won’t ever.
Move on is nothing but a myth. We never really move on from the one we love. Yes, to keep the memories, cherishing them is what I Am supposed to do not crying my eyes out.
To love is what we all are supposed to do… and me for one, I am full of oceans of love and I know that, its just that now I know, I need to love myself first and foremost and no one else really matters….

@thelostsoul

(image: Google)

Posted in #life, Heart break, Lost love, Love, Unsent letter, Writing

#An Unsent Valentine letter.

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I keep on counting days. Not just days, I haven’t lost count of the moments I am breathing without you. Trust me it’s not easy to have a single breath without missing your words or smile or eyes or voice or all of you. I still remember the day I saw you, waiting for me, my heart skipped a beat. Oh it still beats in that rhythm. The rhyme you gave it. Yes. Still that.
It was Valentine, I thought it to be over soon. It didn’t. I missed you each second. I knew you weren’t. You won’t. Oh but my heart? It was desperately waiting for your text. Just a text. Because you don’t like calling. I waited. Waited. The moment I woke up in the morning with moist eyes, I waited till I cried myself to sleep. I hope you had a good sleep though. Or did you miss me? You probably didn’t. You never did. You never will.
I went to the same place, you took me. A wave like a tsunami hit me. Gushing memories all together like it was yesterday we were here, eyes lost in eyes, synchronising heart beats,knotted hands and hearts, you made me feel dancing butterflies. Deep blue were the skies. A blissful moment, now it was tormenting. Nothing was same. Neither you nor the moment. Except me. Still there. Lost in you. Living in the moment. Still.
I puffed in the air around me like trying to breathe in the scent of you and us from that day. And then I kept on walking my way. That’s what I have to do. Keep walking. I tried to turn and look back, then something in me said, No, don’t, it’s gone. It’s not there. Nothing is there anymore. Not you. Not the love.
I won’t run though, from all that we had. Because I still love you. I will always do. Even after whatever happened, whatever you did. I have something of you with me. Yes, the heartache and the memories.
I will keep loving you and living you,
Until the memories turn white.
Till I loose the sight. Oh dear I still haven’t lost hope. Not of you coming back, but of the believe that I will cope. With you. Your memory.
But till then, I will keep walking. Looking forward, Smiling. Without you. But with the remembrance of us.
Until some new memories aren’t made.
Till the time, I won’t fade.

The Lost Soul.

Image: Google( artfinder.com)

Posted in #life, #void, Heart break, Lost love, Unsent letter, Writing

Words not said… letter I won’t send..

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It’s past midnight. Sleep is far away from the eyes. There is this saturninity pulling me outside. I left my warm bed to embrace the dark night, filled with the sparkling moonlight,Moon illuminated and shining bright in the sky. It looked calm and serene. Seeing it in the night sky, I missed the night we were together. Remember how you kissed my head? Your hands around my waist bringing me closer, you blissed my lips, left me wanting for more. The moon was shining that night too. Is it the same moon that witnessed our togetherness? Don’t you miss it? Do you?

The air is cold. It’s chilling my bones to the core, Just the way your touch used to. Remember the ecstatic mornings we used to had, when in your arms, you gave me warmth making me forget the world looking into your eyes. Breathing my name on my neck. It was enchanting, you and your desires caressing my heart beats.You don’t miss my voice, do you?

I see the flickering stars. They are so far and still close to moon. Like you are and still enclose to my heart.

Don’t you miss those nights when all
We did was nothing but in each other’s arms cuddled together in the darkness of our room silently kissing each other, writing each other’s names on hearts. This night is dark too. And in the darkness of your heart you won’t ever see my face, the one you loved, will you?

There is this vastness of silence around me. And in this quiescence I hear your voice in my ears calling out to me, the same one that made me weak In my knees. Looking around I know you aren’t here but somewhere else, so far from my presence.

Birds have started to chirp. I see the sphere in different hues with the moistness in my eyes. It’s still night somewhere in my heart. Remember we saw the sun rising from the window while making love and you said this is the second Beautiful thing, I was the first. That still make me blush you know. Snuggling up to me intently, while in your sleep.I still feel that warm touch of your fingertips on my nape.Your sweet whispers in my ears, making me turn my face, looking in your eyes..You in my eyes. Lost. Loosing.Still. I lost and you win, didn’t you?

For me it will always be night. For you were my day and my light.
And seeing this moon, that’s still in the sky I know you see this moon too and we share the same sky and somehow I know my love shines like that moonlight spreading all over you and someday you will know that there is someone still loving you the same like she used to do.She still does. For my love is like this moon and this sky, like the stars. Always shining, burning bright till and beyond infinity.

But I won’t tell you all this, you don’t care. Never did. Never will. Or Do you? Will you if I tell you that I still care? Always did. Always will.

The Lost Soul.

 

Image: Google