Posted in #void, Hope, Random musings, Strength, Writing

The feeling…that stays.

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Life goes on with or without anyone. Life doesn’t stop for anyone. Really? Is that so? Well life actually stops. I mean right, you live your life, you can’t stop doing that but there is something that’s missing and you can’t really help it. You miss the presence of that one person in your life. That person keeps on revolving in your mind day and night and midnight.

You wake up suddenly and there is this pain, you can’t help but cry. Because even in your sleep your mind kept wandering and reaching out to those parts you tried to hide somewhere. They reach out to you  and then the wounds and it hit you exactly in the guts and you feel helpless and broke. You can’t do anything about it.

Life moves on. Right. It’s just you that stops and stuck and shackled.

Even though I came back, I can’t return completely because I just can not. Though I won’t stop trying.

And I will keep on fighting each day with myself.
I don’t need anybody but me and I am learning this each day.

Like the sun and the moon and the star, I will Shine with my own light and I will have my heat and I will burn this world to ashes…to create my own.

Till then I will be Me..and I am enough.. I will be there..and I will find me..
Until then
I am

The Lost Soul

Image : artpal.com (Google)

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Posted in #life, #void, Writing

#The Words Unsaid.

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I don’t mind the day you know. Though it’s not easy to wake up without knowing the feeling that you aren’t in my life anymore. But then it’s okay. I don’t mind waking up to another day to breathe and to live.. to try at least to exist, somehow in a way.Been trying that since the day you left. Counting the infinite seconds that went by without listening to your voice. How in love you used to call me and we would talk for hours straight.
Now all I have is to wait.
To wait for this clock to stop clicking. To wait for this heart to stop beating. But it clicks and I, well here I am.. still..
Days just went by, but nights. I dread the nights. The moment I see the sun setting beyond that horizon, a darkness start creeping up my mind and my heart is in a haze.Nights make me weak, it makes me vulnerable. Nights are tormenting, they make me miss all those nights we spent under the moon, in the rains. I see the stars in the sky and I miss your twinkling eyes. I see the moon in the clouds and miss your bright face. I see you among them. And I see us beneath. Embraced. Entangled. And then the whole world comes crashing down because all this while it was just me, trying to search for you. Trying to look out for you once more. May be I will see you. Or you will find me.

Looking at our pictures. A shiver went down my spine. I realised this will never happen again. This was something in the past, this isn’t happening in the present, how anguishing is the thought the chances of these pictures are not there in the future. You and me together. Happy. Will
You hold me like that? Will you pick me up in your arms one more time? Please? Will you please come back? I will hold you. I promise I won’t leave. I promise I won’t let you go. Because I just can’t. I can’t. You said you will stay. You said you won’t leave. But you didn’t. But you left.

You hated my tears didn’t you? They never appeared before you. Now they won’t go. Please come baby, make them stop. It hurts. It hurts so much.

I want to hate you. Hate you so much. Oh but I just can not. Because my love for you is stronger than any other feeling. My love for you will always be more than hate. Will you come? Will you be here? I don’t know.I have questions so many, answers none. Answers, I don’t want to know. I will stay though, I am staying. I will wait. I will wait for you to come till In the Desert.. it will snow.

The Lost Soul

Posted in #Poetry, #void, Desires, Heart, Love

I do.

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I believe in magic
That some day you will see
And you will find
My love and Me
That at some point in time
You will know
How it hurts
I am yours but you aren’t mine
I believe in something
A kind of power
That one day you will fall
In love with me, again
Like you were before
That day it will rain
For this time it will be for ever
I believe in my love
That it is true
Only for you, ending never
It’s not easy
But I believe in us
That you will soon see me
Somewhere
And you will come
Close to me
Oh yes love
I believe in miracles
I believe in fairy tale
You will hold my hand
And take me to
A far away land
Where we’ll be in love
Beyond eternity
Yes baby
Till infinity..
I believe
I believe in dreams
Yes I do
For all of this I said
Are nothing
But my fragments
Of you and our memories
Etched in my heart
With your love
In my blood
Like a shadow
It won’t leave
Like a tattoo
It won’t fade
Even if it will
It’ll leave a mark
On my skin
No I can’t
I can’t win
Over this
Of your eyes
Of that smile
Oh this pain
Of this scar
Why are you away

why didn’t you stay?
Why can’t you love me?
Why are you this far?

Of all of these dreams
I am now made
Nothing of me
Something of you
Yes even then I still do
I believe in love
& I love you…

The Lost Soul.

Image: Google

Posted in #life, #void, Heart break, Lost love, Unsent letter, Writing

Words not said… letter I won’t send..

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It’s past midnight. Sleep is far away from the eyes. There is this saturninity pulling me outside. I left my warm bed to embrace the dark night, filled with the sparkling moonlight,Moon illuminated and shining bright in the sky. It looked calm and serene. Seeing it in the night sky, I missed the night we were together. Remember how you kissed my head? Your hands around my waist bringing me closer, you blissed my lips, left me wanting for more. The moon was shining that night too. Is it the same moon that witnessed our togetherness? Don’t you miss it? Do you?

The air is cold. It’s chilling my bones to the core, Just the way your touch used to. Remember the ecstatic mornings we used to had, when in your arms, you gave me warmth making me forget the world looking into your eyes. Breathing my name on my neck. It was enchanting, you and your desires caressing my heart beats.You don’t miss my voice, do you?

I see the flickering stars. They are so far and still close to moon. Like you are and still enclose to my heart.

Don’t you miss those nights when all
We did was nothing but in each other’s arms cuddled together in the darkness of our room silently kissing each other, writing each other’s names on hearts. This night is dark too. And in the darkness of your heart you won’t ever see my face, the one you loved, will you?

There is this vastness of silence around me. And in this quiescence I hear your voice in my ears calling out to me, the same one that made me weak In my knees. Looking around I know you aren’t here but somewhere else, so far from my presence.

Birds have started to chirp. I see the sphere in different hues with the moistness in my eyes. It’s still night somewhere in my heart. Remember we saw the sun rising from the window while making love and you said this is the second Beautiful thing, I was the first. That still make me blush you know. Snuggling up to me intently, while in your sleep.I still feel that warm touch of your fingertips on my nape.Your sweet whispers in my ears, making me turn my face, looking in your eyes..You in my eyes. Lost. Loosing.Still. I lost and you win, didn’t you?

For me it will always be night. For you were my day and my light.
And seeing this moon, that’s still in the sky I know you see this moon too and we share the same sky and somehow I know my love shines like that moonlight spreading all over you and someday you will know that there is someone still loving you the same like she used to do.She still does. For my love is like this moon and this sky, like the stars. Always shining, burning bright till and beyond infinity.

But I won’t tell you all this, you don’t care. Never did. Never will. Or Do you? Will you if I tell you that I still care? Always did. Always will.

The Lost Soul.

 

Image: Google

Posted in #life, #void, Lost love, Writing

Is it The End?

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This is the letter to you. A letter I won’t send.

And in the end finally you left. Not like I didn’t know it will
Happen but I was running away from it from so long. I was lost in that last song.
I was dreading the moment I will hear those words but who is to blame. All these months you from the other end were holding on the rope weren’t you? Or it was me all this time? Loosing myself in your game.
Why? Is all I can ask. You were my everything and you knew that so well. You still are but I won’t tell you this again. I have lost all my energy now in loving you and your memories. Yes you are my memory. A happy and a sad. Reminiscence of all that was between us safe in my heart forever. I believed in you all this while. But you were not there. The moment you left me was my answer, but I kept on holding that rope for so long. There was a bridge between us. You were on the other end and you weren’t even looking at me while I was trying to cross and I was looking at you but it was all in a haze. I thought you are there
For me to hold my hand and I kept on walking towards you not really knowing that it was broken. I fell. I fell so deep. It hurts. I fell in that maze.
Your last words are in my ears. Your all the words are actually. You are. The whole of you is in me. You are gone from
My life but this mark you have left on my soul won’t leave ever.
Not that I want it to.
I loved you. I still do. With whatever I had. With all of that I still have. And it will be forever.
But I won’t beg you anymore to stay, No.
You are better gone. Yes I am in this abyss right now and you have moved on.
I will climb though, to the other side. I will not keep looking for you anymore.
I am exhausted. And sometimes I can not breathe. You were beats to my heart. You were my oxygen.
You are my only. I don’t want to open the doors of my heart for anyone.
They are closed for now. Or forever.
You will live here in my heart. The wounds you have given me will stay and they will bleed I know, they will bleed never to heal. But that’s okay. I will live and love them.
Like I will live without you. Like,
I will love you without you.

The Lost Soul.

PS: This Lost Soul was actually Lost these days and still is. Somethings happened and I am trying to keep myself alright but it’s hard. But I guess whatever happens happen for a reason right. I am hoping that too.

Posted in #Poetry, #void, Heart, Heart break, Lost love, Love

Where Ends Meet..

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Ever so Close
Still so apart
This never ending distance
Our love
This story
Still unfinished
Always Will be?

I was a Rainbow
With you
I still am,
In the night sky
I wrote our names
On the sands of time
Washed with the waves.

I still meet you
Your scent
Your memories
On the way
Getting lost
Between them
Waiting for you, Always
Me
This story
Our journey.
Will the welkin
Meet the Earth?
Will this wait ever end?

Will it be finished?

Your and my, Ours.
Love
This story.

It will be, The Day
When the sky will fall
And the two worlds will coincide
We will unite too
We will be completed
There
See love

Where the Ends meet….

The Lost Soul.

Posted in #life, #void, Lost love, Love, Writing

Along The Strand.

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The smile you brought
On my face with One word.
It’s gone. No curve on my lips. Your words, tickling, used to move me within. Now your memories shake me inside out.

That smile of yours, gave me shivers. How could I ever forget those spine chilling touch. It’s all an illusion now. Now that I see you from afar. Happy and living. Why can’t I? Live? It’s so hard to fight my feelings & to strive.
Because I thought you were my life.

You are happy. I wish I could be too. But how could I? Without you. You were and are my first and last wish. To lord I pray everyday, to bring you back. I try each day but I can’t live alone, Now when you are gone,
I am slipping too, my life like sand, wishing you were there to hold my hand.

Visiting the same places we went. I still look out searching for you. Though I know you aren’t here but oceans apart. You went Abandoning me, teary eyed. I am drowning in this abyss. I see the shore, but I won’t go there, I am sure? I want to drown. You were my home and now I have no one to call my own.

Or I want to move with the waves. Touching those shingles and meeting the sea. Again and again, just like our bodies used to Rhyme. I will move too Along the Strand.

Though, leaving a part of me, Always, Some in You, Some in Time.

The Lost Soul.

 

Image: Google (Towards the sun, Livemaster)