Posted in #life, #Poetry, #void, Heart break, Lost love, Writing

Flesh and bones

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There is nothing left
Just this blankness
And this flesh and bones
I am dead
And still I live
With nothing but
This emptiness
A clone
Of what I used to be
My heart is nothing
But a thing that beats
And that keeps
Me alive in what I thought
Was your love
But it wasn’t that
But a web of lies
And deceits..

Sitting on this rooftop
I saw beneath
And I saw myself
Lying there
Covered in something
A pool
That is red
And my lips smirk
A crooked smile
My hands shake
A cigarette lit
This darkness I see
And a puff of smoke
This white cloud I am in
Intoxicating me within
Loosing my senses
Smoking some more
Between my purple lips…

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This nothingness I feel
What are we all I think
A thing
With some flesh and bones
What we do? Except
To exist and to breathe
Loosing
Drowning
Drowning
Loosing
In this thing called love
Am I dead?
Or I live?
Flying under the thousand stars
Living again
Touching the sky
And with each smoke
That I exhale
I am scattering you too
And your memories
Smoke by smoke
Puff and some more
I burn them
Will keep doing that
Keep burning
All of it
Until there is nothing left
In my heart
Or my mind
Neither the flesh
Nor the bones…

The Lost Soul

Image:Google

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Posted in #life, #void, Heart break, Lost love, Random musings, Unsent letter, Writing

Epiphany???

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To the one who isn’t anymore in my life, who deserted me in the middle, on the crossroads. I thought you and I are We, Alas! I was wrong, wrong in believing you, you and your lies.
I still try to find in each song I hear that make me wonder, where I was at fault, and why it’s just me, why am I caught?  between my heart and my mind, nothing I can find.
There comes Tsunami of immense hurt and pain whenever I see that shirt, shirt which I keep close to my heart, that still smells like you..
I still try to find you at all the places we met, for a little by chance, a glimpse I May get?
Oh then this heart realise, you aren’t here, and we are between two different time and heart zones too. My heart aches for you and it aches to know, whether you miss me too?
And I answer to this question myself, no you don’t at all, because that love was a game, and it’s days were few.
You know, there is this stark contrast between the love of us two, yours lost all the charm and mine still shines like a golden dew..
You left me in between, like rain. Like rains leave the sky, never to return, and I won’t ever be the same again, and some nights and days too I feel this urge to tell you all of these emotions and feelings and oh! then I know, you won’t listen so all of this will go in vain and still, still baby, I want to feel your touch again to melt in you, but then I know this love have already melted like the snow..
My life seems like autumn, like each leaf falling I feel myself breaking into pieces so many.
Nights like these, I wish you to come back, but you wouldn’t have left, if you were to return.
I am not sad though, nor I am broken, and I am not going to run either, from the past, or you, or the reminiscence of you or me or us.
Us? Us is in the past now and I am going to deal with it anyhow.
I will come out if this gloom, and flowers will bloom. Wounds will be healed, scar will be there and they will be there with me, till the end. They will lead me to par, with my emotions, those make me more human.
I see the sun, and I know I will shine too..
To the one who deserted me in the darkest of nights, know I no longer am afraid of this darkness, I befriended it. And I no longer feel, it should be We…
To the one who left, Thank you for you made me, Me….

@thelostsoul 

image: Google 

Posted in #blogging, #void, Heart break, Lost love, Love, Writing

Reminiscences….

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You were always like this. And when I loved you, somewhere I knew, you won’t stay but I still loved you because I felt like I craved you for so long that even I don’t remember. You filled those empty parts of me, which I thought can’t ever be filled. And yet I knew you are a disaster I am falling into. And still I fell, for it was meant to be. If not, I wouldn’t have ever known the love, that hurt,  the pain, the feeling in tears, and still a smile on my lips, that you once touched them. You filled me and then emptied me again. Now the parts won’t be filled ever. I feel I can’t reach that level of saturation again.Now this Void will persist forever. You were here and now you aren’t. Like you are gone, and took this life out of me. I knew all of It and still, still I was there with you, loving you, giving all of me to you because it was meant to be, and because you,my love is the most hurting,yet most beautiful, ecstatic yet tormenting mistake of my life…. And I don’t regret an ounce of it for I loved you with all of my being, knowing what a destruction you are. I was ready to be destroyed not because I was stupid, but because destruction only creates, and somehow this love I still have is because, it was with you once, and it will be here in my heart always and forever….

@thelostsoul

Image: Google

 

Posted in #void, Hope, Random musings, Strength, Writing

The feeling…that stays.

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Life goes on with or without anyone. Life doesn’t stop for anyone. Really? Is that so? Well life actually stops. I mean right, you live your life, you can’t stop doing that but there is something that’s missing and you can’t really help it. You miss the presence of that one person in your life. That person keeps on revolving in your mind day and night and midnight.

You wake up suddenly and there is this pain, you can’t help but cry. Because even in your sleep your mind kept wandering and reaching out to those parts you tried to hide somewhere. They reach out to you  and then the wounds and it hit you exactly in the guts and you feel helpless and broke. You can’t do anything about it.

Life moves on. Right. It’s just you that stops and stuck and shackled.

Even though I came back, I can’t return completely because I just can not. Though I won’t stop trying.

And I will keep on fighting each day with myself.
I don’t need anybody but me and I am learning this each day.

Like the sun and the moon and the star, I will Shine with my own light and I will have my heat and I will burn this world to ashes…to create my own.

Till then I will be Me..and I am enough.. I will be there..and I will find me..
Until then
I am

The Lost Soul

Image : artpal.com (Google)

Posted in #life, #void, Writing

#The Words Unsaid.

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I don’t mind the day you know. Though it’s not easy to wake up without knowing the feeling that you aren’t in my life anymore. But then it’s okay. I don’t mind waking up to another day to breathe and to live.. to try at least to exist, somehow in a way.Been trying that since the day you left. Counting the infinite seconds that went by without listening to your voice. How in love you used to call me and we would talk for hours straight.
Now all I have is to wait.
To wait for this clock to stop clicking. To wait for this heart to stop beating. But it clicks and I, well here I am.. still..
Days just went by, but nights. I dread the nights. The moment I see the sun setting beyond that horizon, a darkness start creeping up my mind and my heart is in a haze.Nights make me weak, it makes me vulnerable. Nights are tormenting, they make me miss all those nights we spent under the moon, in the rains. I see the stars in the sky and I miss your twinkling eyes. I see the moon in the clouds and miss your bright face. I see you among them. And I see us beneath. Embraced. Entangled. And then the whole world comes crashing down because all this while it was just me, trying to search for you. Trying to look out for you once more. May be I will see you. Or you will find me.

Looking at our pictures. A shiver went down my spine. I realised this will never happen again. This was something in the past, this isn’t happening in the present, how anguishing is the thought the chances of these pictures are not there in the future. You and me together. Happy. Will
You hold me like that? Will you pick me up in your arms one more time? Please? Will you please come back? I will hold you. I promise I won’t leave. I promise I won’t let you go. Because I just can’t. I can’t. You said you will stay. You said you won’t leave. But you didn’t. But you left.

You hated my tears didn’t you? They never appeared before you. Now they won’t go. Please come baby, make them stop. It hurts. It hurts so much.

I want to hate you. Hate you so much. Oh but I just can not. Because my love for you is stronger than any other feeling. My love for you will always be more than hate. Will you come? Will you be here? I don’t know.I have questions so many, answers none. Answers, I don’t want to know. I will stay though, I am staying. I will wait. I will wait for you to come till In the Desert.. it will snow.

The Lost Soul

Posted in #Poetry, #void, Desires, Heart, Love

I do.

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I believe in magic
That some day you will see
And you will find
My love and Me
That at some point in time
You will know
How it hurts
I am yours but you aren’t mine
I believe in something
A kind of power
That one day you will fall
In love with me, again
Like you were before
That day it will rain
For this time it will be for ever
I believe in my love
That it is true
Only for you, ending never
It’s not easy
But I believe in us
That you will soon see me
Somewhere
And you will come
Close to me
Oh yes love
I believe in miracles
I believe in fairy tale
You will hold my hand
And take me to
A far away land
Where we’ll be in love
Beyond eternity
Yes baby
Till infinity..
I believe
I believe in dreams
Yes I do
For all of this I said
Are nothing
But my fragments
Of you and our memories
Etched in my heart
With your love
In my blood
Like a shadow
It won’t leave
Like a tattoo
It won’t fade
Even if it will
It’ll leave a mark
On my skin
No I can’t
I can’t win
Over this
Of your eyes
Of that smile
Oh this pain
Of this scar
Why are you away

why didn’t you stay?
Why can’t you love me?
Why are you this far?

Of all of these dreams
I am now made
Nothing of me
Something of you
Yes even then I still do
I believe in love
& I love you…

The Lost Soul.

Image: Google

Posted in #life, #void, Heart break, Lost love, Unsent letter, Writing

Words not said… letter I won’t send..

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It’s past midnight. Sleep is far away from the eyes. There is this saturninity pulling me outside. I left my warm bed to embrace the dark night, filled with the sparkling moonlight,Moon illuminated and shining bright in the sky. It looked calm and serene. Seeing it in the night sky, I missed the night we were together. Remember how you kissed my head? Your hands around my waist bringing me closer, you blissed my lips, left me wanting for more. The moon was shining that night too. Is it the same moon that witnessed our togetherness? Don’t you miss it? Do you?

The air is cold. It’s chilling my bones to the core, Just the way your touch used to. Remember the ecstatic mornings we used to had, when in your arms, you gave me warmth making me forget the world looking into your eyes. Breathing my name on my neck. It was enchanting, you and your desires caressing my heart beats.You don’t miss my voice, do you?

I see the flickering stars. They are so far and still close to moon. Like you are and still enclose to my heart.

Don’t you miss those nights when all
We did was nothing but in each other’s arms cuddled together in the darkness of our room silently kissing each other, writing each other’s names on hearts. This night is dark too. And in the darkness of your heart you won’t ever see my face, the one you loved, will you?

There is this vastness of silence around me. And in this quiescence I hear your voice in my ears calling out to me, the same one that made me weak In my knees. Looking around I know you aren’t here but somewhere else, so far from my presence.

Birds have started to chirp. I see the sphere in different hues with the moistness in my eyes. It’s still night somewhere in my heart. Remember we saw the sun rising from the window while making love and you said this is the second Beautiful thing, I was the first. That still make me blush you know. Snuggling up to me intently, while in your sleep.I still feel that warm touch of your fingertips on my nape.Your sweet whispers in my ears, making me turn my face, looking in your eyes..You in my eyes. Lost. Loosing.Still. I lost and you win, didn’t you?

For me it will always be night. For you were my day and my light.
And seeing this moon, that’s still in the sky I know you see this moon too and we share the same sky and somehow I know my love shines like that moonlight spreading all over you and someday you will know that there is someone still loving you the same like she used to do.She still does. For my love is like this moon and this sky, like the stars. Always shining, burning bright till and beyond infinity.

But I won’t tell you all this, you don’t care. Never did. Never will. Or Do you? Will you if I tell you that I still care? Always did. Always will.

The Lost Soul.

 

Image: Google