The feeling…that stays.

Life goes on with or without anyone. Life doesn’t stop for anyone. Really? Is that so? Well life actually stops. I mean right, you live your life, you can’t stop doing that but there is something that’s missing and you can’t really help it. You miss the presence of that one person in your life. That person keeps on revolving in your mind day and night and midnight.

You wake up suddenly and there is this pain, you can’t help but cry. Because even in your sleep your mind kept wandering and reaching out to those parts you tried to hide somewhere. They reach out to you  and then the wounds and it hit you exactly in the guts and you feel helpless and broke. You can’t do anything about it.

Life moves on. Right. It’s just you that stops and stuck and shackled.

Even though I came back, I can’t return completely because I just can not. Though I won’t stop trying.

And I will keep on fighting each day with myself.
I don’t need anybody but me and I am learning this each day.

Like the sun and the moon and the star, I will Shine with my own light and I will have my heat and I will burn this world to ashes…to create my own.

Till then I will be Me..and I am enough.. I will be there..and I will find me..
Until then
I am

The Lost Soul

Image : artpal.com (Google)

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Random Ruminations

When you are broken and broken beyond repair, you are hurt and are in despair. But loving that someone doesn’t change. Being broken into so many pieces and still loving that same person is something way beyond the control of heart. I always hear people saying move on, it’s okay. Leave. But what’s the point in letting go and moving on from that one person you felt you gave your soul to? How could you just move on from that love that you felt is eternal? And that is unexplainable. How broken you feel, how bad it hurts, you just keep holding on and somehow that is giving you purpose to live and to breathe and to exist.

You let yourself break to the saturation of breaking and it’s okay. It’s okay to be hurt. I know making any one person that much important is not a good thing but why not? I say. You loved that person and now just because that person isn’t loving you back you leave that love? It’s not called one sided love, it’s just love & it’s loving that person from a distance, and that is completely fine.
Does a poet ever stop admiring moon because the moon doesn’t respond to his words? No,right. Then how can one person stop loving another when it’s a connection beyond explanation. A connection that is felt and have no words.

I somehow have learned to live and to move forward, taking the pieces with me and no matter what I will carry them.
If that’s how it is then it is. And there are days when it will hurt like hell but then what’s the purpose of even living when you can’t accept the pain of your broken pieces? You tend to love and live in that one person. And I am doing just that. Because somehow you can’t Unlove, somehow that’s how it is meant to be.

And here I am again with all the boggling thoughts.

Thank you for being so patient and reading.

I am broken to be healed, I am lost to be found. And I will be found, till then.. let me be..

The Lost Soul

And I am here Again…

I don’t know what to say, where to start. It’s been so many days I was away. It’s kind of strange feeling when I am typing. Oh I missed this. The blog. To write. All of you.
I need to apologise for the break I took. I thought it was the end but it wasn’t. And I am back here. I am sorry for not responding. I am sorry for stupid me. But I needed it. I needed to be away so bad.

Everything isn’t sorted yet but I am sure it will. In time. Time won’t heal I still believe that but then even though it’s not healing it’s making me believe that the pain will go. Even if it won’t it’s okay I will have the strength to bear that. To go on and moving forward with that pain.

It’s spring season. Our life is just like these seasons isn’t it?
Like winters we feel piercing cold inside our souls, someone’s presence or absence like rain? The ache like burning hot summer and then the hope of everything to be better like blooming of flowers again…

I wish to have blossoming flowers once again, I want to dance in the rain again, I want to live again.

I can’t thank enough of all the people who reached out to me and stood by me in the time I needed them the most. And those too who tried to gave me some Karma preachings.. thank you too.

I can’t name all but who are close to my heart, knows it and to them a big hug and lots of love.

I am here to stay. I am here to write. I am here to search for my answers I am here to Learn. Yes I am here and I won’t leave.

I am lost but I will find and I know I will..

Till then
Let it be
Let me be

The Lost Soul

PS: The credit of this beautiful blooming flower goes to my dearest Diana.. she is one of my biggest strength. An angel to me. My backbone. I love you Di ❤️

/p><<<<
gt;

The End.

My life is going on a roller coaster ride these days. There is so much going inside my head and my heart with a tornado constantly taking me up inside. I am giving up. I just can’t take it anymore.
There’s so much in life we tend to ignore. Life is more than this. Life is more than love. Life is more than him. Okay, I get it. But for me he is my life. Period.
There is nothing more important for me than him and that’s the truth I can’t ignore. And that’s the thing I can’t explain.
My life is a living hell these days. I am struggling to survive and I am exhausted of existing.I feel that I can’t write anything but love and pain. I am tired of hearing that Time will heal. Fuck. Time is killing me.

It’s over for me.

There are moments in a day when I just start crying and I can’t stop. Sometimes at nights I start screaming. And I am tired of anyone not hearing them.

It’s the end. For me.

I am finally giving up everything. I guess for a while. There is nothing I can write/or think/ or do.

This is a goodbye to you all. I wish I could come back. I will try.

Is this a break or not? I don’t know.

There I lay..like my dreams…in pieces..shattered..

I am giving up on me.

This pain will end..only when I end.

This lost soul is lost forever and it can not be found.
I tried and I tried and I am still..

The Lost Soul.

#The Words Unsaid.

I don’t mind the day you know. Though it’s not easy to wake up without knowing the feeling that you aren’t in my life anymore. But then it’s okay. I don’t mind waking up to another day to breathe and to live.. to try at least to exist, somehow in a way.Been trying that since the day you left. Counting the infinite seconds that went by without listening to your voice. How in love you used to call me and we would talk for hours straight.
Now all I have is to wait.
To wait for this clock to stop clicking. To wait for this heart to stop beating. But it clicks and I, well here I am.. still..
Days just went by, but nights. I dread the nights. The moment I see the sun setting beyond that horizon, a darkness start creeping up my mind and my heart is in a haze.Nights make me weak, it makes me vulnerable. Nights are tormenting, they make me miss all those nights we spent under the moon, in the rains. I see the stars in the sky and I miss your twinkling eyes. I see the moon in the clouds and miss your bright face. I see you among them. And I see us beneath. Embraced. Entangled. And then the whole world comes crashing down because all this while it was just me, trying to search for you. Trying to look out for you once more. May be I will see you. Or you will find me.

Looking at our pictures. A shiver went down my spine. I realised this will never happen again. This was something in the past, this isn’t happening in the present, how anguishing is the thought the chances of these pictures are not there in the future. You and me together. Happy. Will
You hold me like that? Will you pick me up in your arms one more time? Please? Will you please come back? I will hold you. I promise I won’t leave. I promise I won’t let you go. Because I just can’t. I can’t. You said you will stay. You said you won’t leave. But you didn’t. But you left.

You hated my tears didn’t you? They never appeared before you. Now they won’t go. Please come baby, make them stop. It hurts. It hurts so much.

I want to hate you. Hate you so much. Oh but I just can not. Because my love for you is stronger than any other feeling. My love for you will always be more than hate. Will you come? Will you be here? I don’t know.I have questions so many, answers none. Answers, I don’t want to know. I will stay though, I am staying. I will wait. I will wait for you to come till In the Desert.. it will snow.

The Lost Soul

Jasper & Love.

They feared him
Not uttering a word
When he roared
The World Bowed
Silence creeping out the bones
Mouths shut
Eyes low
And among them
there he saw
Her.
Charismatic
Attractive
Fire in her eyes
Seeing through him
And his eyes
Drilling deep into his soul
Like a thunder
She was lightening
A gleam
His heart was shuddering
Looking at her ecstatic face
Something in him flickered..
Love?
It can not be
He is made for everything
But love
Oh! But there was something
Staggering about her.

Thoughts
Deep
In a trance
Quiet in his room
Putting that weight aside
His mind went on a ride
His heart beats collide
There she was
Again
The hands which were heavy
With the gun
Wanted to hold
A pen
To write for her
His Poetry
They wanted to hold
A brush
To draw her
His painting
Oh he did!
Eyes closed
He drew her
An outline
On the canvas
Intricately
Like she was there
Alive
His angel
His love
He is in love
The world haven’t seen
Yet,
This side
The angry face
Learning to smile
Thinking of her
All this while
It is love?
What else it can be?
Yes, he is in love
The thorn
Will have a rose
The black will turn white
From darkness into light
Yes he is in love
Love did find him
The enigmatic met the ecstatic
So called devil
Met an angel
His emotions melting
Like saccharine
Jasper, not anymore
The Black Thorn Klein.

The Lost Soul.

PS: To read Other two poems on Jasper you can go Jasper “The Black Thorn” Klein and Jasper, The Beginning.

I do.

I believe in magic
That some day you will see
And you will find
My love and Me
That at some point in time
You will know
How it hurts
I am yours but you aren’t mine
I believe in something
A kind of power
That one day you will fall
In love with me, again
Like you were before
That day it will rain
For this time it will be for ever
I believe in my love
That it is true
Only for you, ending never
It’s not easy
But I believe in us
That you will soon see me
Somewhere
And you will come
Close to me
Oh yes love
I believe in miracles
I believe in fairy tale
You will hold my hand
And take me to
A far away land
Where we’ll be in love
Beyond eternity
Yes baby
Till infinity..
I believe
I believe in dreams
Yes I do
For all of this I said
Are nothing
But my fragments
Of you and our memories
Etched in my heart
With your love
In my blood
Like a shadow
It won’t leave
Like a tattoo
It won’t fade
Even if it will
It’ll leave a mark
On my skin
No I can’t
I can’t win
Over this
Of your eyes
Of that smile
Oh this pain
Of this scar
Why are you away

why didn’t you stay?
Why can’t you love me?
Why are you this far?

Of all of these dreams
I am now made
Nothing of me
Something of you
Yes even then I still do
I believe in love
& I love you…

The Lost Soul.

Image: Google