Posted in #blogging, #life, Self love, Strength, Writing

To Love the one…that is you!!

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There are so many moments in our life that make us feel it’s over, like there is nothing beyond this pain and hurt. This darkness takes over and everything seems blank. The feeling of emptiness, a hollowness which can’t be filled and every little thing frustrates to the core. Things which made us happy before hurt us now.
Loneliness! A feeling that there’s no one for us, and we are all alone in this world, left to bear that pain everyday, when we open our eyes and every night lying on the bed, closed eyes, there’s this feeling to end all of this torment right and then.

This feeling!!!!

We all have felt that way, at some point of time in life we all have this feeling. Alone! I felt that. Still feel that, days in a row when I want to just go somewhere, where I don’t get hurt again, where I don’t cry, where I can smile. Moments when I need someone to be with me, we all want that right? To have someone who can just embrace us with our flaws and love our scars and make us whole?
Those moments in which we feel so weak and we are so down, heart full of hurt and mind full of anger and pain.

Why do we feel this?

The root of all the sufferings is attachment. I never realised this until I experienced this in my life, we get attached and then without even knowing we start expecting that same attachment from the other person. Expectation doesn’t hurt, but expecting from the wrong person does. Even a person isn’t wrong or right, when we get attached to someone, we can’t expect from the other person to reciprocate the same.

What I am implying with all of this?

Love the one that is you!!

Although I need to learn this myself, and I am learning this everyday, the cardinal thing in life we all need to learn is to love this one person in our life who is most important, and that is US. We need to learn to love ourself and live for ourself.
To accept that it’s only us who can be there for us and no one else will be. We aren’t alone ever, we always have us, ourself.We don’t need anyone to get dependent on, just faith and believe in ourself.
To learn that we don’t need anyone to make us feel whole because we are never incomplete, we are complete on our own. We don’t need to find happiness in someone else, it’s within us, we just need to explore it and accept that we can be happy on our own as well. Yes, we all feel shattered and broken, but that’s okay, to be broken means we can heal.
To know that, the home we try to find or built in someone else is not to be found because it’s there in you!! Look deep within in your heart. Pull yourself up and smile, because that’s what we need to do. Smile and face the world and accept the truth,
Love isn’t something we need to find in someone else, it’s there within you.
It’s difficult but it’s the only truth!! That someone is always you and no one else!!

@thelostsoul

Image: google

Posted in #Poetry, Love, Random musings

At the Crossroads..

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Meet me at the crossroads
Hold my hand
Entangle my fingers in yours
And don’t let go
Move ahead with me
Under the night sky
With zillions of stars watching us,
But we glistening more in love.
Embrace me in your arms
Pull me closer
Never to let go!
Walk with me
Towards the dawn
That ray of sun touching us
Put your arm around me
Entwine together
The hue of the sky colouring,
You and me
Let’s paint the world
In colours only known to us
Love me some more
Make me your canvas
And draw your love
On these roads
Let’s move ahead
Till the dusk
In the rains
Below the rainbow
Meet me again
That same place
To walk hands in hands
Eyes in eyes
Shimmering with love,

Meet me there
Under the blue sky
At the crossroads…

@thelostsoul

IMAGE: Google

Posted in #blogging, #life, #Poetry, Writing

Do you???

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What am I trying to find? In this world, among this chaos. What is that is not complete and I want to make it whole so bad? And why? Why can’t I let it be like it is?
Why everything need an ending , a closing. Why when something change it hurts.
There are so many why and no answer. Or there is an answer and I can’t find.
What is the point of existing? What is that I am searching? Why is this sadness? What is that keeps on lingering beyond the hurt? There is this emptiness. A void that can’t be filled, this voice that is unheard. Am I the only one hollow? Or you feel this vacantness too?
Is it just me or you think it too? Am I the only one or you looking for a path too? This pain, Only I feel this or you suffer from it too? Only I am the one with questions or you are finding answers too?

I wonder if we all feel the same?
Are we all lost? Or just wander..
That I wonder!!!
That I wonder?

@thelostsoul

Image: Google

 

Posted in #blogging, #Poetry, Heart, Love, Strength, Writing

Beautiful Purple Sky

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I was just walking by
While turning towards my house
I just looked at the sky
Just like that
I felt something,
Like the sky talking to me
Something moved I felt
And a ping of pain in my heart
The sky looked the same
As it was the day, that day we met.

I lost my way then
For I forgot where I was coming from
Or going to?
Is that my home?
Or was it you?
Now you aren’t with me, do I have any?
Any home?

My heart screamed!!
No one heard though
My eyes were searching
Something? Or you?
I looked at the sky again
Is it same ? Or is it changed?
It isn’t that anymore
Isn’t it?
Because you aren’t that anymore,
I saw it changing colours
Just like you,
The pinkish hue
Turned some pale
Like me!

Was I lost? Or did I loose you?
Or did I loose my mind?
Was it just me? Or I saw?
I saw the sky crying
Felt some tears,
From my eyes?
Or was it rain?
That pain knocked again
Which I thought have gone?

Why do I feel lost? When,
When there’s nothing I did lost
Loosing you? You never really did
Exist for me but yourself!!
I was here then
And I was alone
I knew how to walk
I know how to move on, on my own
And though I thought I made you,
You never were my home!!

There it was,
I got my way again
With the moving sky
Turning shades
Changing colours
While moving ahead
I recognise that smile
The one before you,
Or anyone else
I looked at the sky for one last time
I knew this colour
This colour,
I know I was moving in the right direction
The sky smiled
And I smiled at it too,
And I smiled some more
Under this new
This new, beautiful,
Beautiful Purple Sky!!!

The Lost Soul 

Image: Google

Posted in #blogging, #life, Self love, Strength, Writing

Perfectly Flawed

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“She got that sexy figure”
“Oh her perfect curves”
“Eww! How could be anyone that thin?!”
“She needs to workout on her”
“Oh! How fair she is”
“Will you ever get someone? With this complexion of yours? “

These are few of the random things knowingly or unknowingly, intentionally or unintentionally we speak or hear or use. There’s a thin line between complimenting and commenting and people often forget that.

I have been dealing with inferiority complex issues all my life. And then anxiety due to that, Not feeling happy in my skin. I always had problems with how I look or my complexion or my hair or my weight and somehow it was all connected with the fact that I often heard such expressions around me, for me,and it started to creep in my personality. I always thought I am not good enough.

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I am not here to talk about my problem or my issues or to discuss about body shaming but their were so many thoughts in my mind and I just felt like sharing them here.

Beauty is something over rated in our society from centuries and is mostly connected to the second sex, yes that’s what we were called, females.
And we girls often just give in to this thing which we are taught from the beginning like being a girl we have to look pretty all the time. We just start believing in what is there already  and we are never taught to question it.
I am not denying that males aren’t body shamed but not as much as a female.

Where does the problem lies?

Problem is Us believing.
Our belief  in the things which we are told about and taught. And us not questioning it. Why don’t we question why a girl need to look pretty? Why a girl with curves is sexy? Or why a girl with bigger breasts or large butts is hot? And why a girl with a tummy isn’t pretty? And why a girl with fair complexion is treated as angelic? Or why all of these are just attached with only the females?

The point I am focusing on isn’t that one should not maintain their health and fitness or look pretty, but what I mean is that it should be done but not for others and definitely not on the cost of deteriorating one’s mental health.
Girls start to have inferiority complex issues that create a deep impact on their personality from their teenage years which actually affect their lives till later stage in so many ways.
It creates complication for a girl in the personal front as a girl with such issues will always have a thought in mind Am I good enough? And questioning self worth is the worst thing a person could do to torture oneself.

What I want to focus here on is the fact that being beautiful will not have any importance unless that beauty doesn’t make you feel complete and whole in what and who you are. It won’t matter how thin or how sexy curves you have when to achieve that you lost your happiness and mental health or deprived yourself of the sleep or food that made you happy.
Everyone has flaws and the existence of humanity lies in the fact that we are tend to be flawed and no one has any right to question someone’s appearance in terms of their own set standards.
A Flaw for some may be a beauty for another.
No matter how you look, what colour your skin is or what weight you have or what size until the fact that it makes you smile  and feel comfortable and a satisfaction of you being you and that too whole.

As an individual what we need to learn is to love and accept  the fact that this is what we are and come in terms to whatever we are and embrace that. We all are just flesh and bones. Yes,being healthy is important or having curves or having or doing anything that makes you look good but only  till the point that it makes you feel cheerful  within you and your soul.

As a part of society what everyone need to learn is not to comment or compliment someone in a way that makes them think over it. That makes them question their individuality.

Being myself suffering from these issues have actually made me realise some of these things but trust me path of loving yourself isn’t easy and every day it feels like a defeat but somehow I am managing it and somehow I am moving ahead in it. I am trying to love me more and focusing on what I can do to enhance what I have and learning to love my flaws.
Because every one is flawed and that too uniquely.

Beauty is not in being just that pretty face but it is in the eyes and the smile of the soul which appears on the curves of the lips.

The Lost Soul

Image: Google and Pinterest

Posted in #life, #Poetry, #void, Random musings, Writing

Falling into Nihility….

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Waking up each day
With the same darkness
That keeps on emptying
Whatever that is in me
All that is left
Feeling hollow

My heart sinks within
All I can see is black
And everything else
Is just blank
All the colours faded
They are fading still
Vanishing, as in an eclipse 

Like water evaporates
Happiness is all gone
This sadness engulfs me
The clock is ticking
Tick and tock
When will it be over
It’s killing
It’s killing
Why isn’t ending?
Why am I still living?
This pain
It’s enduring
This hurt
My heart
I want to leave
It’s not going

Let it go
Let it go
This lingering pain
It won’t leave
It will stay
Night and day
My eyes
They hurt
With all the rain
Everything is blur
I can’t see the light

The light?
Follow it
The voice says
I can’t
Deeper and deeper
I sink
Crumbling down in this ocean
Oh this abyss
This void
And in this murkiness
I sleep
Only to wake up
Each day
With nothing more
But this inanition
This vacuum
How it feels in this hollowness?


Blankness gawking at me
Me looking into
This barrenness
And I see me from far ahead
Like a shadow
Staring at my life, &
There I see nothing
But nihility…..

The Lost Soul

IMAGE: The truth Ache (google)

Posted in #life, Lost love, Random musings, Writing

Scribbling Heart…

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I truly love the way you smiled, and I miss all those moments still. Each second of those nights I spent with you is captured in the eyes of my mind.

A photograph I will always keep and won’t let it fade. There is still something that is left between you and me and that is why I miss you so bad each night that it hurts and it kills. Whatever is left, I so want it to complete because I need a closing you know. The way you left kills me each moment wondering for all those answers you never gave to all those questions I wanted to ask and I never did. You and me I thought were meant to be but we weren’t and you leaving like that clearly tells me that, then why is it that my heart still beats? and it still keeps on reminding me each day of you and that love we had. The way things are right now and the way we are apart I wish it to end,really. My thoughts for you and our memories. To end it all and to end the pain. With each passing day I wish I never had met you or wish I never had loved you. But we did meet and I did love you and nothing in this world can change this. One thing I can change is my love for you. I still do love you but that’s my love to do and you have nothing to do with it. I wish you all the happiness in the world and I will let it be like that only. I will never again want to see you because I know it Deep down, if once and only once I will see you again, I will fall all over again, and you will hurt me same again and I swear to God, I am able to live right now with your thoughts but after that, that single confrontation with you,I won’t be able to carry those broken pieces again any more and that will be the end to me and I can’t let it happen, I can not let that happen again, not anymore because thought it’s late,but I have realised this that this life is precious than anything else, and I want to live and to love myself the way I loved you because I know I deserve that kind of love and it’s okay if it’s not you, that is totally fine. I wish you to be away from me and from my heart because I know the next time my heart beats with you in front, it won’t be able to leave you and I don’t want that to happen I want to love myself more than I loved you ever and I will let it happen. I am broken but I know how to pick my pieces and smile and I am doing that and will keep doing that until I feel I am not broken anymore until I feel I don’t love you any more, until I feel I don’t have to love you, until I know it’s alright not to have you  and that day and that day I will want to face you and smile, because that day I will know I can live without you, that too without being broken… until then I will keep moving ahead and not look back and not miss the way you smiled at me….the way I truly loved…And then I will look in the mirror and smile not with the lips but with the happiness in the eyes…for that is all that matters now and forever….

The Lost Soul

image: google

Posted in #blogging, #life, Love, Unsent letter, Writing

Culmination… a letter

25A714F7-34C7-4EAB-9E53-A6EACAD87EBA.jpegLoving you was the most beautiful feeling I ever had and I can not deny, it still is. Though this can not change the other fact that it is the most hurting feeling, I ever felt too. I never thought love can do so much to anyone. But you did. Feeling all those things for you did.
When I fell for you, I was on my weakest, most vulnerable. I can not say it otherwise but yes, you are the one who made me, what I am.
From my most vulnerable to what I am now, I know I have become stronger.
Always hurting me with your words, making me beg for your love, I always believed in all the lies you said, And I always cursed me, over and over again. feeling i am the one who is wrong, i never did realise it was always you.
How many nights I have cried, I don’t really know, wanting it so bad to end. Waiting for these heartbeats to stop for once and for all. How many days I tried to end this life.
But then again your love, or the love I felt for you kept me going. And I kept on loving you like this is what I am supposed to do. And it took me so long to accept this fact that am not supposed to keep begging you for that love.  I never knew I will grow out of this feeling, But I did. 
I never realised I can love you and still move ahead because to wait for you is like to wait for all the stars in the galaxy to fall and that’s never gonna happen. When in a busy day, slightest of your memory used to fill my eyes, I didn’t cry at all when you said it’s over. And last night when you called and said all those things again,
I didn’t cry at all. Not a single tear, I didn’t curse my self again, I felt a calm. When you said this is the last time, I didn’t felt anything but a peace.
And I realised I am not supposed to cry over you. To love is the most beautiful feeling one can ever have and I am glad I know that feeling so well and oh! I pity you, you won’t know it. You won’t ever.
Move on is nothing but a myth. We never really move on from the one we love. Yes, to keep the memories, cherishing them is what I Am supposed to do not crying my eyes out.
To love is what we all are supposed to do… and me for one, I am full of oceans of love and I know that, its just that now I know, I need to love myself first and foremost and no one else really matters….

@thelostsoul

(image: Google)

Posted in #blogging, Random musings, Writing

Me & My Jabbering Mind.

AA269CE8-8A20-46AE-94C5-1AF2B6F53C56.jpegIsn’t it strange? How we meet people. At that moment they are just that. People. We don’t know who they really are. They are just someone we look and we hear and we interact. Then some out of these people become important for you. It could be anyone. After a while you don’t just look at them you see beyond looking. You don’t just hear, you listen to them. Sometimes things they don’t even say. You don’t just interact you mingle. There is this vibe you get from certain people.
I don’t know but yes I have felt so much of these vibes when I interact with someone. There is division in these vibes too, positive, negative and neutral.
Sometimes I meet some random person, and he/she is carrying that aura that attract, that is positive vibes which without even knowing that person makes me feel good. Then again there’s someone who just have negative energy around them. I don’t know is it connected to the hearts?
No I don’t prejudice. Of course how anyone could judge without knowing anyone. But what here I am talking about is not judging. It’s beyond that. An energy, a vibe. A kind of connect that you have with someone.
A kind of strong feeling that comes in you. A force that wants you to meet them again or to not to see their face ever.

But with some people it just happen, right? The heart and mind just fail at the same time?
I was an introvert. Not anymore though. But I was. All shy meek and a girl lost in her own world. I never cared enough of the world. I was always sitting in the corner of the playground when other were busy in playing or gossiping. My teenage years brought out a change in me, as they all do to every guy or a girl I guess. I started speaking my heart and mind. Sharing my thoughts. But I can’t count myself in extrovert either.
I am in between, an Ambivert. I still don’t find myself comfortable in meeting new people. I find solace in few I know. Is that connected to the vibes thing?

Why am I talking all this? I don’t know! Some people leave an impact. Don’t they? That too really deep. Sometimes that’s a scar. That too bloody. Sometimes memory, happy? Sad? Sometimes both. How moments spend with them makes you smile and cry at the same time? Smile that you felt that happiness and warmth and that affection once upon a time, and a tear reminding you that those moments won’t be repeated and that’s all you will have. The memories.
I don’t really know.
I am always confused. Thinking. Lost.
Anyhow, I don’t really know what crazy things I am talking about right now. The mornings are cold now. Nights are chilling. I find myself still lost somewhere. In someone.

Thank you for reading my crazy mind.
I wish I could write this much in my exam paper.😂

The Lost Soul.