In the Twilight!!!

Come closer to listen what my soul speaks 

But my lips couldn’t…..

Bring me back to life
Give me some more breathes
Love me a little more this time
Make me alive again
This life
This heart
All I could ever give
Have it all and just love me once
Love me once more
Make this heart beat again
Hold me together
Take away this pain
I did try
I tried
Try and try
To ease this suffocation
All in vain!!
I need you more
I want you
Will you please fill this emptiness?
Or Am I destined to be drowned forever?
Will this murkiness ever fade?
Or Is It just me who have lost all colours?
Do you hear my pleas?
Or shall I screech in the silence ?
Or is It ambiguous what I say?
Am I Lost?
Will you please find a way ?
Reach out to me
Take me out of this abyss
Will you?
I am screaming
And sinking
Shrieking
And screaming
And grieving
Hold my hand once more
Take me out
Show me the dawn
Before my heart sets in the dusk
Give me a rainbow
Give me life
Oh! Please one more time!!
Before I reach the horizon
Meet me once more
Meet me there
Be my earth
Make me your sky
Show me the light
Meet me one last time
Give me some more breathes
Just hold my hand
Embosom me
Meet me there
In the rain
And in the Twilight…..

@thelostsoul_writes

The Lost Soul

Image: Fiveprime (google)

Falling into Nihility….

Waking up each day
With the same darkness
That keeps on emptying
Whatever that is in me
All that is left
Feeling hollow

My heart sinks within
All I can see is black
And everything else
Is just blank
All the colours faded
They are fading still
Vanishing, as in an eclipse 

Like water evaporates
Happiness is all gone
This sadness engulfs me
The clock is ticking
Tick and tock
When will it be over
It’s killing
It’s killing
Why isn’t ending?
Why am I still living?
This pain
It’s enduring
This hurt
My heart
I want to leave
It’s not going

Let it go
Let it go
This lingering pain
It won’t leave
It will stay
Night and day
My eyes
They hurt
With all the rain
Everything is blur
I can’t see the light

The light?
Follow it
The voice says
I can’t
Deeper and deeper
I sink
Crumbling down in this ocean
Oh this abyss
This void
And in this murkiness
I sleep
Only to wake up
Each day
With nothing more
But this inanition
This vacuum
How it feels in this hollowness?

Blankness gawking at me
Me looking into
This barrenness
And I see me from far ahead
Like a shadow
Staring at my life, &
There I see nothing
But nihility…..

The Lost Soul

IMAGE: The truth Ache (google)

Scribbling Heart…

I truly love the way you smiled, and I miss all those moments still. Each second of those nights I spent with you is captured in the eyes of my mind.

A photograph I will always keep and won’t let it fade. There is still something that is left between you and me and that is why I miss you so bad each night that it hurts and it kills. Whatever is left, I so want it to complete because I need a closing you know. The way you left kills me each moment wondering for all those answers you never gave to all those questions I wanted to ask and I never did. You and me I thought were meant to be but we weren’t and you leaving like that clearly tells me that, then why is it that my heart still beats? and it still keeps on reminding me each day of you and that love we had. The way things are right now and the way we are apart I wish it to end,really. My thoughts for you and our memories. To end it all and to end the pain. With each passing day I wish I never had met you or wish I never had loved you. But we did meet and I did love you and nothing in this world can change this. One thing I can change is my love for you. I still do love you but that’s my love to do and you have nothing to do with it. I wish you all the happiness in the world and I will let it be like that only. I will never again want to see you because I know it Deep down, if once and only once I will see you again, I will fall all over again, and you will hurt me same again and I swear to God, I am able to live right now with your thoughts but after that, that single confrontation with you,I won’t be able to carry those broken pieces again any more and that will be the end to me and I can’t let it happen, I can not let that happen again, not anymore because thought it’s late,but I have realised this that this life is precious than anything else, and I want to live and to love myself the way I loved you because I know I deserve that kind of love and it’s okay if it’s not you, that is totally fine. I wish you to be away from me and from my heart because I know the next time my heart beats with you in front, it won’t be able to leave you and I don’t want that to happen I want to love myself more than I loved you ever and I will let it happen. I am broken but I know how to pick my pieces and smile and I am doing that and will keep doing that until I feel I am not broken anymore until I feel I don’t love you any more, until I feel I don’t have to love you, until I know it’s alright not to have you  and that day and that day I will want to face you and smile, because that day I will know I can live without you, that too without being broken… until then I will keep moving ahead and not look back and not miss the way you smiled at me….the way I truly loved…And then I will look in the mirror and smile not with the lips but with the happiness in the eyes…for that is all that matters now and forever….

The Lost Soul

image: google

Flesh and bones

There is nothing left
Just this blankness
And this flesh and bones
I am dead
And still I live
With nothing but
This emptiness
A clone
Of what I used to be
My heart is nothing
But a thing that beats
And that keeps
Me alive in what I thought
Was your love
But it wasn’t that
But a web of lies
And deceits..

Sitting on this rooftop
I saw beneath
And I saw myself
Lying there
Covered in something
A pool
That is red
And my lips smirk
A crooked smile
My hands shake
A cigarette lit
This darkness I see
And a puff of smoke
This white cloud I am in
Intoxicating me within
Loosing my senses
Smoking some more
Between my purple lips…

This nothingness I feel
What are we all I think
A thing
With some flesh and bones
What we do? Except
To exist and to breathe
Loosing
Drowning
Drowning
Loosing
In this thing called love
Am I dead?
Or I live?
Flying under the thousand stars
Living again
Touching the sky
And with each smoke
That I exhale
I am scattering you too
And your memories
Smoke by smoke
Puff and some more
I burn them
Will keep doing that
Keep burning
All of it
Until there is nothing left
In my heart
Or my mind
Neither the flesh
Nor the bones…

The Lost Soul

Image:Google

Epiphany???

To the one who isn’t anymore in my life, who deserted me in the middle, on the crossroads. I thought you and I are We, Alas! I was wrong, wrong in believing you, you and your lies.
I still try to find in each song I hear that make me wonder, where I was at fault, and why it’s just me, why am I caught?  between my heart and my mind, nothing I can find.
There comes Tsunami of immense hurt and pain whenever I see that shirt, shirt which I keep close to my heart, that still smells like you..
I still try to find you at all the places we met, for a little by chance, a glimpse I May get?
Oh then this heart realise, you aren’t here, and we are between two different time and heart zones too. My heart aches for you and it aches to know, whether you miss me too?
And I answer to this question myself, no you don’t at all, because that love was a game, and it’s days were few.
You know, there is this stark contrast between the love of us two, yours lost all the charm and mine still shines like a golden dew..
You left me in between, like rain. Like rains leave the sky, never to return, and I won’t ever be the same again, and some nights and days too I feel this urge to tell you all of these emotions and feelings and oh! then I know, you won’t listen so all of this will go in vain and still, still baby, I want to feel your touch again to melt in you, but then I know this love have already melted like the snow..
My life seems like autumn, like each leaf falling I feel myself breaking into pieces so many.
Nights like these, I wish you to come back, but you wouldn’t have left, if you were to return.
I am not sad though, nor I am broken, and I am not going to run either, from the past, or you, or the reminiscence of you or me or us.
Us? Us is in the past now and I am going to deal with it anyhow.
I will come out if this gloom, and flowers will bloom. Wounds will be healed, scar will be there and they will be there with me, till the end. They will lead me to par, with my emotions, those make me more human.
I see the sun, and I know I will shine too..
To the one who deserted me in the darkest of nights, know I no longer am afraid of this darkness, I befriended it. And I no longer feel, it should be We…
To the one who left, Thank you for you made me, Me….

@thelostsoul 

image: Google 

Culmination… a letter

Loving you was the most beautiful feeling I ever had and I can not deny, it still is. Though this can not change the other fact that it is the most hurting feeling, I ever felt too. I never thought love can do so much to anyone. But you did. Feeling all those things for you did.
When I fell for you, I was on my weakest, most vulnerable. I can not say it otherwise but yes, you are the one who made me, what I am.
From my most vulnerable to what I am now, I know I have become stronger.
Always hurting me with your words, making me beg for your love, I always believed in all the lies you said, And I always cursed me, over and over again. feeling i am the one who is wrong, i never did realise it was always you.
How many nights I have cried, I don’t really know, wanting it so bad to end. Waiting for these heartbeats to stop for once and for all. How many days I tried to end this life.
But then again your love, or the love I felt for you kept me going. And I kept on loving you like this is what I am supposed to do. And it took me so long to accept this fact that i am not supposed to keep begging you for that love.  I never knew I will grow out of this feeling, But I did. 
I never realised I can love you and still move ahead because to wait for you is like to wait for all the stars in the galaxy to fall and that’s never gonna happen. When in a busy day, slightest of your memory used to fill my eyes, I didn’t cry at all when you said it’s over. And last night when you called and said all those things again,
I didn’t cry at all. Not a single tear, I didn’t curse my self again, I felt a calm. When you said this is the last time, I didn’t felt anything but a peace.
And I realised I am not supposed to cry over you. To love is the most beautiful feeling one can ever have and I am glad I know that feeling so well and oh! I pity you, you won’t know it. You won’t ever.
Move on is nothing but a myth. We never really move on from the one we love. Yes, to keep the memories, cherishing them is what I Am supposed to do not crying my eyes out.
To love is what we all are supposed to do… and me for one, I am full of oceans of love and I know that, its just that now I know, I need to love myself first and foremost and no one else really matters….

@thelostsoul

(image: Google)

Reminiscences….

You were always like this. And when I loved you, somewhere I knew, you won’t stay but I still loved you because I felt like I craved you for so long that even I don’t remember. You filled those empty parts of me, which I thought can’t ever be filled. And yet I knew you are a disaster I am falling into. And still I fell, for it was meant to be. If not, I wouldn’t have ever known the love, that hurt,  the pain, the feeling in tears, and still a smile on my lips, that you once touched them. You filled me and then emptied me again. Now the parts won’t be filled ever. I feel I can’t reach that level of saturation again.Now this Void will persist forever. You were here and now you aren’t. Like you are gone, and took this life out of me. I knew all of It and still, still I was there with you, loving you, giving all of me to you because it was meant to be, and because you,my love is the most hurting,yet most beautiful, ecstatic yet tormenting mistake of my life…. And I don’t regret an ounce of it for I loved you with all of my being, knowing what a destruction you are. I was ready to be destroyed not because I was stupid, but because destruction only creates, and somehow this love I still have is because, it was with you once, and it will be here in my heart always and forever….

@thelostsoul

Image: Google

 

Turn the pages…

Life? What exactly is life? There is so much more in life then what we see. Life is beyond people we think are important, but they are not. Life is something we need to live and not just breathe.
There is a reason we are humans, else insects are breathing too.

A little late, but I am realising this. And learning the lessons of life bit by bit, new chapters each day. Life is about turning pages and trying to revise what we learned from the previous chapter.

Life is like different seasons and I thought it will always be harsh as winters. I forgot that it rains too. That flowers bloom after the winters. That spring comes in the city and it’s green and pink and red and yellow. Life is beautiful with or without any one. Life is something we need to look within us and instead of creating home outside, create a home within. Do not seek what you can find inside, and I am learning this.

It hurts in the nights still, but next day sun will rise and it will shine again making  that pain go numb. And it will disappear soon.

Night will be there but it will see a new dawn too, because that is inevitable. The ultimate truth is this, that the earth will still revolve and rotate and it can not be Night always. Or winter. And when we feel we are completely shattered, we start healing again. Life is about picking those shattered pieces, put them back, throw the useless one out, and make a masterpiece out of them again.

I learned this, I am still learning this. That’s why I am wandering. That’s why I am still, and everyone in one way or other is a lost soul, trying to find out what’s in life. Moving, falling, shattering, learning, healing but over all, living.

And I am what I am. And this is me..

The Lost Soul

Images: Pinterest

 

The feeling…that stays.

Life goes on with or without anyone. Life doesn’t stop for anyone. Really? Is that so? Well life actually stops. I mean right, you live your life, you can’t stop doing that but there is something that’s missing and you can’t really help it. You miss the presence of that one person in your life. That person keeps on revolving in your mind day and night and midnight.

You wake up suddenly and there is this pain, you can’t help but cry. Because even in your sleep your mind kept wandering and reaching out to those parts you tried to hide somewhere. They reach out to you  and then the wounds and it hit you exactly in the guts and you feel helpless and broke. You can’t do anything about it.

Life moves on. Right. It’s just you that stops and stuck and shackled.

Even though I came back, I can’t return completely because I just can not. Though I won’t stop trying.

And I will keep on fighting each day with myself.
I don’t need anybody but me and I am learning this each day.

Like the sun and the moon and the star, I will Shine with my own light and I will have my heat and I will burn this world to ashes…to create my own.

Till then I will be Me..and I am enough.. I will be there..and I will find me..
Until then
I am

The Lost Soul

Image : artpal.com (Google)

#The Words Unsaid.

I don’t mind the day you know. Though it’s not easy to wake up without knowing the feeling that you aren’t in my life anymore. But then it’s okay. I don’t mind waking up to another day to breathe and to live.. to try at least to exist, somehow in a way.Been trying that since the day you left. Counting the infinite seconds that went by without listening to your voice. How in love you used to call me and we would talk for hours straight.
Now all I have is to wait.
To wait for this clock to stop clicking. To wait for this heart to stop beating. But it clicks and I, well here I am.. still..
Days just went by, but nights. I dread the nights. The moment I see the sun setting beyond that horizon, a darkness start creeping up my mind and my heart is in a haze.Nights make me weak, it makes me vulnerable. Nights are tormenting, they make me miss all those nights we spent under the moon, in the rains. I see the stars in the sky and I miss your twinkling eyes. I see the moon in the clouds and miss your bright face. I see you among them. And I see us beneath. Embraced. Entangled. And then the whole world comes crashing down because all this while it was just me, trying to search for you. Trying to look out for you once more. May be I will see you. Or you will find me.

Looking at our pictures. A shiver went down my spine. I realised this will never happen again. This was something in the past, this isn’t happening in the present, how anguishing is the thought the chances of these pictures are not there in the future. You and me together. Happy. Will
You hold me like that? Will you pick me up in your arms one more time? Please? Will you please come back? I will hold you. I promise I won’t leave. I promise I won’t let you go. Because I just can’t. I can’t. You said you will stay. You said you won’t leave. But you didn’t. But you left.

You hated my tears didn’t you? They never appeared before you. Now they won’t go. Please come baby, make them stop. It hurts. It hurts so much.

I want to hate you. Hate you so much. Oh but I just can not. Because my love for you is stronger than any other feeling. My love for you will always be more than hate. Will you come? Will you be here? I don’t know.I have questions so many, answers none. Answers, I don’t want to know. I will stay though, I am staying. I will wait. I will wait for you to come till In the Desert.. it will snow.

The Lost Soul

I do.

I believe in magic
That some day you will see
And you will find
My love and Me
That at some point in time
You will know
How it hurts
I am yours but you aren’t mine
I believe in something
A kind of power
That one day you will fall
In love with me, again
Like you were before
That day it will rain
For this time it will be for ever
I believe in my love
That it is true
Only for you, ending never
It’s not easy
But I believe in us
That you will soon see me
Somewhere
And you will come
Close to me
Oh yes love
I believe in miracles
I believe in fairy tale
You will hold my hand
And take me to
A far away land
Where we’ll be in love
Beyond eternity
Yes baby
Till infinity..
I believe
I believe in dreams
Yes I do
For all of this I said
Are nothing
But my fragments
Of you and our memories
Etched in my heart
With your love
In my blood
Like a shadow
It won’t leave
Like a tattoo
It won’t fade
Even if it will
It’ll leave a mark
On my skin
No I can’t
I can’t win
Over this
Of your eyes
Of that smile
Oh this pain
Of this scar
Why are you away

why didn’t you stay?
Why can’t you love me?
Why are you this far?

Of all of these dreams
I am now made
Nothing of me
Something of you
Yes even then I still do
I believe in love
& I love you…

The Lost Soul.

Image: Google

Just Friends…?

It’s not long ago
We were together
In that night club
I was drunk
So were you
We didn’t see things
As they were coming through
Intoxicating moment
Captivating you
Spellbinding eyes
Entangled fingers
Osculating lips
We were close
Connecting my soul to you
Amidst that screeching music
I heard you
Our eyes spoke
Driving me crazy
Drifting away
We vanished
In that kiss
Beyond magical
Perplexing me
I felt the tingle
In my each bone
I felt I was home
Butterflies whispering
In my heart
To the core.

Oh! But we are friends.
Aren’t we?
Are we still?
How do I tell?
How do I disclose?
My feelings changed
I fall for you
& I feel for you
Not as a friend
Anymore
I want you
For love and more
Oh baby I love you so much
I miss that touch
& I miss us
I want that time
Me in your arms
I want it to stop
I miss you each night
Waking up next, besides
Closed eyes.
But it’s all in here
Confined in my heart
I can’t tell you
Because you are a friend
Aren’t you?
But we kiss
Didn’t we?
Though I feel love
Don’t you?
Why can’t you?
Baby please
Hold me again
Embrace me
Kiss me again
Caress me
Will you please?
Baby don’t tease.

Then it’s okay
It’s okay I guess
Let’s keep it as it is
I know I will miss
You are my forever bliss.

So my love
To keep you with me
This is my only way
Let’s not end
What we have
So that we don’t end
Let’s just be friends…
Only friends.

The Lost Soul.

PS: I stumbled upon this sweet heart Regine on my blog. Kissonthewind, iamRegineNot going into details, this poem is dedicated to her & for her.

Words not said… letter I won’t send..

It’s past midnight. Sleep is far away from the eyes. There is this saturninity pulling me outside. I left my warm bed to embrace the dark night, filled with the sparkling moonlight,Moon illuminated and shining bright in the sky. It looked calm and serene. Seeing it in the night sky, I missed the night we were together. Remember how you kissed my head? Your hands around my waist bringing me closer, you blissed my lips, left me wanting for more. The moon was shining that night too. Is it the same moon that witnessed our togetherness? Don’t you miss it? Do you?

The air is cold. It’s chilling my bones to the core, Just the way your touch used to. Remember the ecstatic mornings we used to had, when in your arms, you gave me warmth making me forget the world looking into your eyes. Breathing my name on my neck. It was enchanting, you and your desires caressing my heart beats.You don’t miss my voice, do you?

I see the flickering stars. They are so far and still close to moon. Like you are and still enclose to my heart.

Don’t you miss those nights when all
We did was nothing but in each other’s arms cuddled together in the darkness of our room silently kissing each other, writing each other’s names on hearts. This night is dark too. And in the darkness of your heart you won’t ever see my face, the one you loved, will you?

There is this vastness of silence around me. And in this quiescence I hear your voice in my ears calling out to me, the same one that made me weak In my knees. Looking around I know you aren’t here but somewhere else, so far from my presence.

Birds have started to chirp. I see the sphere in different hues with the moistness in my eyes. It’s still night somewhere in my heart. Remember we saw the sun rising from the window while making love and you said this is the second Beautiful thing, I was the first. That still make me blush you know. Snuggling up to me intently, while in your sleep.I still feel that warm touch of your fingertips on my nape.Your sweet whispers in my ears, making me turn my face, looking in your eyes..You in my eyes. Lost. Loosing.Still. I lost and you win, didn’t you?

For me it will always be night. For you were my day and my light.
And seeing this moon, that’s still in the sky I know you see this moon too and we share the same sky and somehow I know my love shines like that moonlight spreading all over you and someday you will know that there is someone still loving you the same like she used to do.She still does. For my love is like this moon and this sky, like the stars. Always shining, burning bright till and beyond infinity.

But I won’t tell you all this, you don’t care. Never did. Never will. Or Do you? Will you if I tell you that I still care? Always did. Always will.

The Lost Soul.

 

Image: Google

Is it The End?

This is the letter to you. A letter I won’t send.

And in the end finally you left. Not like I didn’t know it will
Happen but I was running away from it from so long. I was lost in that last song.
I was dreading the moment I will hear those words but who is to blame. All these months you from the other end were holding on the rope weren’t you? Or it was me all this time? Loosing myself in your game.
Why? Is all I can ask. You were my everything and you knew that so well. You still are but I won’t tell you this again. I have lost all my energy now in loving you and your memories. Yes you are my memory. A happy and a sad. Reminiscence of all that was between us safe in my heart forever. I believed in you all this while. But you were not there. The moment you left me was my answer, but I kept on holding that rope for so long. There was a bridge between us. You were on the other end and you weren’t even looking at me while I was trying to cross and I was looking at you but it was all in a haze. I thought you are there
For me to hold my hand and I kept on walking towards you not really knowing that it was broken. I fell. I fell so deep. It hurts. I fell in that maze.
Your last words are in my ears. Your all the words are actually. You are. The whole of you is in me. You are gone from
My life but this mark you have left on my soul won’t leave ever.
Not that I want it to.
I loved you. I still do. With whatever I had. With all of that I still have. And it will be forever.
But I won’t beg you anymore to stay, No.
You are better gone. Yes I am in this abyss right now and you have moved on.
I will climb though, to the other side. I will not keep looking for you anymore.
I am exhausted. And sometimes I can not breathe. You were beats to my heart. You were my oxygen.
You are my only. I don’t want to open the doors of my heart for anyone.
They are closed for now. Or forever.
You will live here in my heart. The wounds you have given me will stay and they will bleed I know, they will bleed never to heal. But that’s okay. I will live and love them.
Like I will live without you. Like,
I will love you without you.

The Lost Soul.

PS: This Lost Soul was actually Lost these days and still is. Somethings happened and I am trying to keep myself alright but it’s hard. But I guess whatever happens happen for a reason right. I am hoping that too.

Summer Nights.

 

Entangled eyes
Sparkling
Scintillating
Shimmering
You and me
Embracing
Our hearts
Racing
With the pace
So fast
Your fingers
Ruining the colour
Of my lips
Your breathes
Leaving
It’s marks on my skin
Kissing
Loosing
Moving
I loose myself
You in me
Under the thousand stars
In these wintery breeze
We flow
Towards the warmth
We fly
Caressing
Intertwining
Entwining
In emotions
Holding my hands
Carrying my heart
So perfectly
We fuse
Together
Like made for
Each other
Beaming
Gleaming
Alluring
In &Between
This deepest of ocean
Of Ecstasy
Fantasy
Serenity
We become one
Under the flickering
Bright
Glistening
Moonlight
Listen love
To this harmonious
Wind
Here comes
Our
Surreal

Ethereal
Summer Nights….

 

The Lost Soul.

 

Image: Google.